22 March 2005

Raymond,

So many times I sit and try to explain how I feel, to ask the questions that linger in my mind. I may not always get the words out the way I need them to come but I try.  No anger no tears and no frustrations. We are trying to build a life that needs to be based on trust.  To trust each other we have to get to know one another and that takes some time, especially when doing so from such a far distance.  Have patience with me as I try to with you as well.  It will be rough waters before us, but if a life together is worth having the waters are worth the weathering.  We have each been hurt, and those hurts and fears will without doubt cause actions and reactions that we can handle and deal with one at a time.  From day to day things grow and change and we learn.  We must learn or we cannot grow.  We talk about raising a family together.  That takes time and patience and years of devotion, not only to each child but to each other as well. Are you prepared to trust me with your heart and with your life enough to love and nurture a lifetime with children? For there can be no less - children do not deserve to suffer the ill's of parents who cannot stay together through the long haul.  My son already suffers in part for a father that could not stay on course or focus on his family but rather only on himself and his wants and desires and his family be damned in the process.  I wish not to put anymore children through such a fate. Especially not Rob, he deserves so much better. We all do. I have the heart and the mind and the presence to love completely and deeply and with devotion for the rest of my days here on earth and future still into the kingdom of heaven. That is what I seek and what I want.  Love and devotion and honesty.  Are you willing and ready and able to freely commit to that level? I do love you Ray in my own way in my heart. That will only serve to grow stronger over time and with proper attention and respect and trust and devotion. One day, one smile, one touch, one kiss at a time forever.

Tina Marie